The Ahmedabad Blasts and Switching Off the Television

When the news channels started flashing the frightening images of the blasts in Ahemdabad, I turned off the Television. Call me callous if you will, but I just couldn’t stomach any more images of wanton death and destruction. It is increasingly getting clear that these mass murderers can strike at will and with deadly precision. We as citizens of India can only hope and pray that we don’t wind up as the targets of these terrorists and even if we do, we have a quick death and not end up in a civil hospital battling for our lives.

It’s the same thing over and over again. We know how they did it; supposedly why they did it, but we don’t know who did it. The police as always are clueless. In the oft repeated blame game, they point their hands towards Pakistan and in grave tones say ‘it’s the foreign hand’. What foreign hand? The people perpetrating these heinous acts are home grown terrorists and belong to a cross section of Muslim society. It’s not just the uneducated, unemployed men who are responsible but so are educated and highly intelligent men and women. Why am I saying this? The planning behind the blasts, the sophistication of the bombs, and the abject failure of the security agencies to catch the culprits illustrates this fact with aplomb. All quarters are involved and it’s time we understood this fact.

In India, a secular joke of a country, if I say I am Hindu, I am given a communal tag, but if I say I am a Muslim, I am just exercising my secular and religious right. Herein, lies the problem. The security agencies are just too scared to take any action against the people responsible because they are plain scared. Their political bosses won’t like it and so wont the human rights activists. They are in a fix, because in an investigation of this sort, extreme steps have to be taken, and more often than not, quite a few innocents must be rounded up for questioning.

So, now we are back to counting the death toll and waiting for the proverbial calm, before a few bombs go off again. I just wish that the terrorists realize that the lives of the common people in India are not worth the trouble they are taking to kill these lives. They are making a wasted effort and to think that, in a country like India, they will get anywhere, by killing innocent civilians, they are sadly mistaken. The people in charge do not care. They play their own games, and I am sure must be laughing about the poor intellect of the terrorists. After all India is overpopulated. The terrorists are actually doing a service to the country. I know, what I am saying might just come across as an outpouring of virulent emotions, but it’s the blatant truth. If this isn’t true, how do you explain the fact that even after so many blasts and thousands of lives lost, our leaders have still not done anything that assures us of security? My life is not worth a farthing. This is why I am scared. I am just a part of the ever burgeoning population of India, and the people who should care, do not care.

After all, their children, wives and relatives are safe. Surrounded by NSG commandos and secure amidst stringent security measures, they are not worried about terrorist bombings. I think just once, these smirking, no good politicians should get a wake up call; and I mean a big wake up call.

Yes dear terrorists, why are you targeting us? We have no role to play in the scheme of things. Target the people who matter. Not us, we will keep dying, you will keep killing and nothing would change. Target the people at the top. Not us. Am I sounding a bit traitorous? After all our great leaders are what the country is all about. We must respect them and give our lives for the country, a.k.a the political class. We have given our lives and now we would like them to give theirs. Please leave us out of it. We just need to get on with our lives.

In our country, the parliament is no longer the holier than thou democratic institution that our leaders like proclaiming from the roof tops; its now become a center of rot and refuse, which is slowly turning our country a.k.a the people of India, into a garbage dump.

Contrary to nationalistic expectations, I respect and love my family and friends more than I respect our exalted Prime Ministers, Presidents etc.

It just plain sad isn’t it, when we expect no arrests, let alone punishment for the murderers who killed innocent lives. We know the ineptitude of our security agencies and have given up. No one’s, been charged for the Jaipur blasts and the long line of blasts that preceded it. Afzal Guru, the only person in recent memory who has been punished for his role in the Parliament Attack, has not been hanged. I do believe he would have been hanged if he had managed to kill an MP or two, but all that he got for his efforts was the sacrifice of a few policemen and women and security guards. That as we all know in India, is no hanging matter.

Before I sign off, I have a conspiracy theory building up in my mind. I ask myself, is it possible to plan and execute 3, 4 ……… 16 blasts without anybody knowing about it, and without political patronage? Maybe in the answer to this question, lies the reason why terrorists target innocent civilians and not our great leaders.

Random (R)ethchings 3

I haven’t written anything in a long while. Call it lethargy or a total lack of interest in everything around me; I just did not feel inclined to write. The past week saw Indian democracy at its worst. The defining moment of the debate in parliament came when a couple of no-good MPs started waving wads of notes for all and sundry to see. What they claimed is immaterial. What is of more importance is that parliamentary proceedings will never be the same again. They have reached a new nadir and just when we think that things won’t get any worse they do.

I am one of the cynical few who believe that the benefits of democracy have been over-rated. I might be taking the concept of democracy for granted but look at what it has achieved for Indians in the past 50 years. Not much. I don’t know what the alternative is, because I haven’t thought about it and have restricted my thoughts to destructive criticism rather than a constructive assault on the various tenets of the Indian democratic model. The funny thing about the whole confidence motion was that our leaders thought that their holier than thou attitude would be lapped up by the common man. For over fifty years, they have taken us for a ride thinking that we know no better, but the problem is we have no choice. As people, we are trying to make the best of a bad deal. We know that most of the politicians are corrupt and very few if any will think twice about selling the country short. What were the MPs waving the wads of notes trying to improve? Did they think that the audience watching would be shocked! I can go on an on about it, but I wont.

I still don’t like Manmohan Singh. That’s neither here nor there, and if this blog was popular I would have been asked to eat my words. I had called him a weak PM who did not know what he was about. I still think along the same lines, though I do have to give him a pat on the back for winning the confidence motion. What he does with it, will now have to be seen. I love Somnath Chatterjee. Yes, positively love him for his integrity and commitment. These qualities are in such short supply in Indian politics that I have no doubt that all those who follow Indian politics closely, will have absolutely no criticism for Somnath Da. Great Guy! Great Politician! Another politician who I think has some semblance of integrity and oh yes, unbridled charm is Omar Abdullah. His short but impassioned speech was quite good. Hope he does not give it all up to get caught up in the stinking murk of politics, and rises above it. Let’s see. What can we say about Rahul Gandhi and Kalavati. Taking the country for a ride again, are we? Trying to suffuse the debate with a bit of emotional clap trap! Nobody bought it! However, it was free publicity for Kalavati, and she seems to have got that buffalo, finally.

What else, a whole lot, but I guess I will leave that for another post. But wait… a disaster of cataclysmic proportions took place in Colombo. The Indian team was buried in all its glory at the SSC in the Sri Lankan Capital. The geriatric quartet of Messrs Dravid, Ganguly, Tendulkar, and Laxman showed us how not to play spin. It was comedy of errors and the Sri Lankan players were laughing their guts out. I have stopped taking the Indian cricket team seriously a long time ago, but being one of the only keenly contested sports in India, you do want the team to acquit themselves with a shred of respectability.

I end it here, praying for the all those who lost their lives in Ahemdabad and Bangalore.

The Maya Statement and a Few Ramblings

Mayawati the SC/ST Queen Incarnate says that the Nuclear Deal is anti-Muslim!!!! Helloooooo!!! Where do our politicians get such ideas in the first place? Now we all know why she has uttered this bit of nonsense but she needs to put some semblance of logic on the statement. Does she want the Muslim people to believe that the nuclear deal is a weapon of genocide or something, which the Indian State is going to use on the Muslims of India? Now another thing! Does she seriously think that an educated Muslim is going to believe that clap trap. Now here is the nail on the head. ‘Educated, Sensible, All Embracing Muslims”; the political class think that they are a hard breed to find. It’s actually a sad fact of India today that politicians think that the community will buy almost anything.

Politicians have identified the Muslim community as being somebody who is slow on the uptake and wants very little reason to feel threatened. They play on the insecurities of the common Muslim to make such statements that even an idiot would point out as idiotic. But the chances are that someone somewhere might just come out on the streets because of this one statement. God forbid, if the nuclear deal is divided along communal lines.

Do I, as a citizen of India, think that the Muslim community is stupid enough to fall prey to the new political shenanigan? No, its not! However, I think there is a tendency of some intelligent people to exert their own sense of importance and it is these people who foment all the trouble. In the name of Islam, they perpetrate hatred and violence that comes at a great cost to their own community, forget other communities.

When I was in Delhi, my favourite train, to and fro, for Baroda was the Gujarat Sampark Kranti Express, largely because I was and still am a last minute ticket booker and this train used to welcome me with open arms. Now more often than not, the majority of my co-passengers were Muslims from Ahemdabad, who were going to Delhi or coming from Delhi, and beyond for business purposes. They wore the traditional white kurta pajama, more often than not wore the traditional skull cap (I don’t know what it’s called) and had curly beards. For a long time, I avoided chatting with these people, as I was quite circumspect about how they would react to my overtures for an informal chat. However, one day, I decided to give it a go, and started a conversation with them. Imagine to my surprise that the people very friendly and though they looked rustic, were quite knowledgeable about their own area of expertise. Time passed quickly, there was laughter over shared jokes, and an easy camaraderie was established. For a pseudo-intellectual, and a person who had learnt to be apprehensive of these people courtesy terrorism, the conversation was an eye-opener for me.

Yes, these people were not as educated as I was, but these people were definitely not stupid and they had hopes and aspirations like me. They wanted to offer their families a good life and were willing to work hard for it. But our politicians do not want these people to lead normal lives. They want to isolate these people in a way such that other communities look at them with suspicion and apprehension. It serves their purpose to do so. Now bear in mind that I am not talking about the educated Muslims here, but those that are not a part of the mainstream society; the ones with the beard and the skull cap and the kurta-pyajamas. They are no different from us.

They are as much a part of India as we are and as such will definitely understand that the Nuclear Deal is not anti-Muslim, but pro-India. The problem herein is that if a Muslim leader comes out against the deal saying for some illogical reason that it’s against Muslims then we would tag him and all the gullible people supporting him, as anti-Indians. So by that logic by what epithet do we honour the comrades – Your guess is as good as mine. For me, a cleric who openly rants against the government of India is far better than the Left, who under the guise of economic mumbo jumbo are consistently selling India short. For What Purpose, do we even dare to ask? God save India from Communists they are even worse than terrorists. For one they are better placed to harm India’s interest than the terrorists are. They have power without responsibility and accountability; and that as we all know is the recipe for disaster.

Here’s hoping that the deal does go through. Here’s hoping that politicians stop using the Muslim Card to suit their personal interests. Here’s hoping that the Communists just shut up and let the Government do its job. Here’s hoping that Mumbai does not suffer as it does in every monsoon. But, who are we fooling after all. This is India. Need I say more?

Random (R)etchings 2

Well, if you have listened to the news for the past few days, you will realize that the Left and the Congress are up to their old tricks again. Yes, the Left is doing what it does best that is stalling progress and the Congress is also doing what it does remarkably well – Holding on to Power. I have lost all respect for MMS. Not that I had any in the first place, but what the heck, I can’t deride the Prime Minister of my country can I? All said and done the man does not have a modicum of self respect. He reminds me of Mamta Bannerjee. They believe in the same motto- - Threaten to resign if you think, the public is not seeing you in a good light. While Mamta was a master at it, poor MNS can’t seem to get a hang of it. He threatened to resign over the nuclear deal, about six months ago, and a few days back, according to unsubstantiated reports he wanted to do so again. One question? If he cares so much about his reputation and his own beliefs then why the vacillation. Just resign? The only answer that comes to my mind is that he isn’t as innocent and honorable as the public thinks he is. He loves the trappings of power and who knows, he might even enjoy being Sonia Ji’s ‘Man for All Seasons’.

I think the public at large, even the doodhwala, knows what’s going to happen. The Congress doesn’t want elections, neither do its allies. So, they are going to wait. They will try to pull the wool over the public’s eyes. Wait till there isn’t enough time for the US Congress to pass the agreement. That’s about it. Everybody happy. India’s energy future goes for a toss; and all for a bunch of Chinese Agents. Or is it? Yes. I know. There is no proof that the Left is in any way kow-towing to their masters in Beijing, but what they are doing is, they are giving people like us, food for thought. Chinese Food. However, looking at their waning popularity in West Bengal, I think the Left’s days are numbered. I long for a day when I don’t see a snickering Prakash Karat on television.

Well, every other week, news channels flash the newest inflation rate. Then, in a bid to show how badly, families are affected by it, they show a housewife, usually fat, boring, and with a cloth bag, out shopping for vegetables and other necessities. You know the drill. They do this all the time. There is no change. Housewife and vegetables. They can have a Bingo Ad on it… Great Combination or something… Why can’t they change the routine? Show them buying chicken or something. That would be Different. The camera following the housewife into a butcher shop. Blood and gore… Bhaiisaab chicken kitne kay diya….. X Rs…itna mahenga…madam inflation….. think hai 1 kilo dena… Slam.. the reporter trying to air her repetitive views with the man cutting chicken in the background. Gross but will make good copy. India TV should try that one.

Oh here something funny. The finance secretary or somebody, when asked, as to why is this rate shooting up, answered that, they have calculated that the average inflation rate till 2012 will be 9%. So need no need to worry? Can you beat that? No I don’t mean the inflation rate, but the answer. Who the hell is asking for an average rate? I don’t want to know what the rate is going to be 5 years from now; I want to know why it is so high now? Well, actually, I don’t, but its fun to see the flustered faces of our babus. They look like cornered goats. They don’t know what to answer or how to answer. I don’t understand. Why can they just say the truth and be done with it. It’s symptomatic of a situation wherein, the population of developed countries now has money. Money that they spend buying food, clothes, etc. Production cannot satisfy the demand. Simple. I know it’s not that simple but, it’s something like that… In all fairness, the FM did say something like that, but it didn’t go down to well. He changed his tune after that.

What else, other than the fact that I have got a painful mouth ulcer. So what happens is when I attempt to talk, I sound like Sharad Pawar. I know I shouldn’t make fun of his condition, but the thousands of farmers who have committed suicide since the time he became the agriculture minister, wont mind. The joke’s for them.

So here’s the deal, we have an inept PM, Finance Minister, high rate of inflation, Chinese intrusions in Sikkim, … much more… so what is there to look forward to. Let see... Lots of things come to mind… the Euro 2008 semis… the PM actually going ahead with Nuclear Deal…my ulcer disappearing… that’s about it I guess. Not a lot. Forgive me. I was wrong.

Oh, I forgot. Who gets the award for the Indian Icon of the Month?

You got it right! My old friend, Colonel Bainsala! You know why. Did you see that picture in which he is shown saluting Vasundhara Raje. It was so funny.

De Taali

How can you review a movie that you have decided to see on the spur of the moment, because you had nothing better to do? More importantly, one that you have seen, sitting in the first row! Difficult task, I know; but I want to give it a try. So here goes.

De Taali is the latest offering by Eshwar Niwas; this is how the name appears in the credits, I think the director thought that this movie would get his career back on track, and therefore people should know his full name. He earlier credited himself as E. Niwas. Get my drift. Now, if my memory serves me right, the director’s other offerings include Shool, Love ke Liye Kuch Bhi Karega, Dum, and Bardasht. While, Shool and Love Ke Liye Kuch Bhi Karega were largely appreciated by the critics and audience alike, the others sank without a trace. I am one of minuscule few, who liked ‘Dum’ but that’s another story.

You cannot slot ‘De Taali’. It’s not a comedy, neither is it a romantic movie. Therein, lies the problem. The confusion within the script which is translated onto the big screen and you really don’t know what to make of it. The promos on TV give you the impression, that the movie is fun with large dollops of comedy. Hmm.. After a lot of thinking, and comparing the promos with the whole movie, I do think the promos claim is misplaced. The movie is a little bit of fun, with very few comic moments.

De Taali is a story of three friends, Paglu ( Ritesh Deshmukh), Amu ( Ayesha Takia) and Abhi ( Aftab Shivdasani) who while away their time, partying, pubbing, shark riding ( I don’t know, if I want to know what this is) and of course doing everything else apart from working. Along comes another character, Kartika, who loves Abhi, more so, his money; and the movie is all about how the other two try to keep her away from their friend. There is a love angle, thrown in for good measure and you have the crux of the movie in a nutshell. As you can see, there is no semblance of a story and whatever there is, is not good. More importantly, the screenplay of the movie, is not taut and portions of the movie just drag on; especially the second half.

The only time when you really laugh or smile, is when Paglu, kidnaps Rimi Sen (Kartika) and tortures her. That’s just a 5 minute sequence and this takes care of the comedy in the movie. Nothing else in the movie is overtly funny. Now, when you are sitting in the front row, the visuals just stand out! You notice things that you might not notice, if you are sitting a few rows in the back. Well, the one stand out feature was Rimi Sen and her thighs. For god sakes, what was she thinking? She will put some of the world footballers to shame. She has tried to don the avatar of hot and sexy manipulator and though her face is good, everything else is in pretty bad shape. She is plump, towards the fatty side and her thighs stand out as the symbol of her fat content. Please don’t castigate me for going on and on about her thighs, but whenever she was on screen, all I could see was that part of her body, as I was in the front row. They enveloped the screen. Alright, enough about her; let’s get to the acting bit.

Now let me be very frank here. Anybody who is going to see this movie should only go because of Ritesh Deshmukh. He and comedy are synonymous and thus people might think about watching this movie. Nobody is going to watch it for the other three actors. Well, as the lovable ‘Paglu’ he is pretty good. He is great in the minimal comedy scenes in the movie and overall his performance is up to the mark; nothing extraordinary but worth a watch. Aftab is passable and what’s more he has nothing better to do in the movie, other than having a serious and shattered look on the face. Now, I don’t know if anybody else has noticed it, but the guy look a bit under the weather. He looks like he is coming off a long illness or something. But that’s neither here nor there. Ayesha Takia does justice to her role and looks………..thin. Yes, the fatty is actually thinning; or is it the affect of Rimi Sen being in the movie. Anybody would look thinner then her.

On the whole, it’s the four characters that make the movie ‘watchable’. It’s they who try and hold the tattered scrip and screenplay together. That’s about it. If you are a discerning viewer then avoid the movie at all costs. Don’t waste your hard earned money. However if want to watch a movie, for want of anything better to do, then you might just think about going for this one. Just don’t expect to come out with a feeling of money well spent.

I Feel Guilty.....

Have you been assailed by this continuous feeling of guilt? I have.

I look at the beggars on the street, kids specially, and I feel guilty I can’t do anything for them. At one point of time, I had decided that I am not going to give them money, if they beg me for it, but more often than not, the guilt factor takes over, and I hand over a rupee or two to them. You know it’s funny. I feel compassion for what they must be going through, but I feel anger, if they touch me. I wonder. This is hypocrisy right.

I really do not understand this disgusted reaction to a beggar kid touching your person. He or she is actually just touching your shirt or pant, but most of us react in a horrible manner. I have seen some people hit out at these small kids. Till date I haven’t, but who knows. You know what…. I think most people offer beggars, kids or otherwise, money, because they feel guilty. They feel embarrassed looking at all the poverty around them, and think that they can get away with putting a 1 rupee coin in the hands of these kids. Yours truly included.

I know what the arguments against this frame of thought are. If you give these kids money, you are actually giving them an incentive for begging and so on and so forth. But c’mon can’t we spare a rupee? Ok, another thing. What can I do? Join a social service organization to help the destitute? This is when, the cynic in me, comes forth. Will I be able to make a difference? I know, the answer here is, I will. But, my mind starts procrastinating and creating reasons for not contributing my time and effort to really do something worthwhile. Believe me people; cynicism has an answer for everything. Its quite rich actually, I begin to picture myself in a scenario, wherein, I do join some organization, which helps these kids to turn their life around. But, won’t I feel frustrated and irritated if I find that I am not able to make a quantifiable difference. Yes, hilarious isn’t it? Here, I haven’t done anything, and I am already looking for ways to back out, in case I do something! Explain that one to me.

In the end, I think it’s this overall cynicism that breeds guilt. I really don’t know whether I am making any sense or not, but I might not feel as guilty, if I do something constructive. But then again, I really don’t want to do it, because I don’t think it will be worth my time and effort. It’s all a cycle. Here’s something else. I don’t want to go and help these kids, because I feel guilty. I want to do it, with an empathetic heart. Is that possible, here again is the problem. Till that time, I will keep giving them a rupee or two, that’s infinitely easier. I have learnt to live with my guilt.

Now if you have even deemed it fit to read so far, here is another one. Traffic rules! I can say with pride that I have never broken a traffic rule in my life. Hmm alright, maybe a few times. But that’s about it. Now do you people know those white lines that we come across, near a traffic signal. I think they are called zebra crossing, but anyways, according to the traffic rule book, you need to halt your vehicle, before these lines. Yes, it might come as a shock to you, but you need to. However, who does that? Not in Baroda they don’t. And here’s the thing people….. even the police have given up. They don’t care anymore. A long time back somebody had told me about this rule. However, I really didn’t give it too much importance, but whenever I stopped my vehicle on the white lines I felt guilty. I knew I was breaking a rule. But, I didn’t want to go back, for fear of getting angry glares from people around me. Well, here’s what I did. One fine day I decided, I am going to stick to that rule. Others be damned. Now the problem, is with the kind of haphazard traffic around me, it gets really very difficult for me to adhere to the rule. God Knows, I have tried enough. So, it’s iffy at best. I might be able to stand before the zebra lines, but might just be forced to stand on it. This is when I start to feel guilty. What I really want to do is, swear at the people forcing me to break the rule and tell them what the rules are. I want to rant and shout and prove my point. I remember a day, when I had done that. No, I didn’t shout or rant or get angry or anything, I politely told somebody who was honking away to glory, that I could not go any further, because it was against the rules. But, I never did again, I guess, I grew tired of it after the first time. I think it’s better to feel guilty, rather than having an argument that is futile at best. You can change yourself, but you can’t even hope to change the people around you. After all, what is the traffic policeman there for? It’s his job not mine.

Anyways, I better end my guilt ridden trip here; there are many more things that I feel guilty about, but I am sure you people would not relish the parts of a confessor. So I end here, to begin another guilt trip, some other time.

Random (R)etchings

Finally, the Gujjars have been accorded 5% special reservation. I also have added the word Gujjars to my word dictionary. Two great events! Alright, the second pales in significance to the first. But, just about. So, we all knew that, this was going to happen. After all Colonel Kirori Singh Bainsala had not only held the State of Rajasthan but also the whole of India for ransom.

I wonder if I could ever be able to pull off, such a feat. In India, its all about getting together a group of like minded people, who have no qualms about burning State property, laying siege to rail tracks and of course, killing a few innocents. Oh yes, you need a selfish and personal cause, to sell to the people. After that, you demand your ransom. Any idiot would see that, if the Colonel succeeded, then there are lots of people out there who are going to say, “Hey Me Too”. That’s all about Mr Bainsala, who is fast attaining cult status. Here’s hoping he doesn’t disappear into the sands of Rajasthan, but continues burning State property, for the good of mankind or specifically ‘hiskind’.

Harman Baweja, heard about him? Yes, that horsey looking guy, who for some reason or the other is being compared to Hritik Roshan. Well, he’s got his PR guys to feature him of the front page of the TOI supplement and NO he does not talk about his insipid looking movie, Love Story 2050, but he gives an interesting nugget of information. He and Priyanka Chopra are just friends, nothing more! Four Words. Who the Hell Cares? No but, Harman does. He wants to keep his so called fan following interested, right. He needs to be in the news. How does he that? Well with the most common cliché in show business, “We are Just Friends.” Whenever I look at Priyanka Chopra I am reminded of an emaciated pig. No really. Even her nickname is ‘Piggy Chops’. There must be reason for that!

Alright, next up is our very own Man of a Thousand Controversies, ‘Sreesanth”. Who is he? The guy who got slapped by Harbhajan; or was it punched. The guy who can shed a tear, better than Kapil Pa Ji. He got into an argument with the staff of a Bangalore Hotel owing to some faulty air conditioning in his room. The icing on the cake and this is according to one of the best news channels of Independent India, ‘India TV” is that he blackmailed one of the hotel staff for ’30 thousand dollars’. Don’t ask why? You don’t demand understanding from whatever crap is showing on India TV. Don’t even ask me why I was watching it? It’s like Manoj Night Shyamalan’s, quote on ‘The Happening”, ‘Don’t Ask Questions”. Well Mr. MNS we didn’t and I guess you didn’t ask questions of the script either.

What else, apart from the fact that its two days for the weekend. I really dread weekends, there is nothing to do. Absolutely nothing! I might just go and catch one of my favorite actors, Edward Norton, in action as the incredible hulk. However, it’s going to be a special effects extravaganza, and wont showcase Norton’s acting skills. Well that’s it then! I know it’s a crappy post, what do I do? I had this crap in my mind and I just wanted to get it out of my system.

Depression

For the past few days, I find myself slowing traveling down the darkened tunnel of depression. It’s quite funny actually; depression is hard to resist. It has an allure that maybe happiness does not have. It’s inexplicable really, but there you have it. I know, I am getting depressed, and there is nothing I want to do about it. I want to wallow in it, and I want to be miserable.

I really don’t like to blame anybody for my state of the mind. I want to have the egotist satisfaction of being the sole person responsible for my depression. For me depression is a mixture of various abstract entities and thoughts. Its sadness, mixed with the desolation of the mind and at another end it’s the need to keep oneself occupied with action for the fear of life coming to a standstill for a few days.

I feel angry and hurt at the same time. The problem is; I really don’t know what has resulted in the onset of these symptoms. You know I have heard people say depression is a bad thing. However, I would like to put a spin on this statement. For me, more often than not depression is a good thing. It’s almost like a cleansing ritual that I go through. For a period of a few days, all my darkest thoughts, which were simmering in my subconscious, are brought to the fore, and I need to mull over them. I take time out to analyze those thoughts and destroy those thoughts. I try to sift through my layers of discontent and arrive at a point of focus, which then helps me live my life better, and do my job better, till the next bout of depression strikes.

For me, depression is like an emetic. You get the negativity out of your system and concentrate on the positive aspects of your life. I think that everybody should go through it. It makes one appreciate one’s lot a lot better. The sole problem that I have with the whole concept of depression is that it takes a toll on your time. You work gets affected and I don’t know about anybody else, but I move around in a daze.

I am a gastronome and love food. When I am depressed I can make do with my unappetizing Tiffin. See what I mean, I really don’t care one way or the other, what’s going into my stomach. And, that my dear friend, for me, is the biggest disadvantage of a depressive mood -A marked indifference for what I like. It’s only about what I dislike.

I wouldn’t want you think that I suffer from chronic depression. I think all of us go through these bouts and take away something specific from it. I try to do the same. From the dark tunnel of depression I steal away, a bright light, which was hidden amongst layers of gloom.

My Bitch’s Poo and Other Things

I have a dog, a bitch actually. I have always called my dog a bitch. After all, you need to give due respect to the gender. However, there are quite a number of people who avoid calling my dog a bitch. “Dog a bitch” – That’s not right is it. Well how about this “My bitch a bitch.

Thank god I didn’t have her, when I was in nursery or some such grade where you are asked to write a few words on your pet. How would I have begun “I have a bitch, her name is Tulip”. A phone call to my mom or dad “Madam Your Son, Needs help with his diction”, He has learnt words that he must not use, and hence must unlearn them

Tell me people? Why does the word “Bitch” command such a pejorative connotation? C’mon, I simply refuse to change the gender of my pet. It’s a BITCH. Got It. A BITCH! All right, now that I have got that out of the way, let me go on the road that all pet lovers take. The Singing of paeans Dedicated to their Pets. Hmm, I am not too much of a poetic sort, more of the prose sort actually. So won’t bring tears to your eyes with the soppy, mushy…… ode to the Pet.

Now, firstly let me do away with the BITCH thingy and just caller her by name – Tulip. She is intelligent. You know what, intelligence is a funny thing. Here is an example. I have tried for hours on end to get her to recognize the command ‘SIT’. She has never for once answered my command. I ask her to ‘SIT’ and she stares at me as if I have gone nuts or something. She does her own thing. I don’t want to sound like a male chauvinist, you know what… but it’s a bit demeaning right…. I always wonder. What if it was a dog? Would he have ‘SAT.” Well anyways, along comes a neighbor, a friend of the family etc, and commands Tulip to “SIT”. And guess what? She bloody sits. The comment “She is pretty intelligent”? Well, trained! “Hmmmm…. Yes that she is” “And I am an Idiot”

Look at the situation here! I think that the ‘the sitting bit’ was bit of a fluke, but the guest does not think so! I can be as nit-picky as I like about her command recognition, but I have no doubt in my mind that in her tinsy winsy head is the brain of a genius. If she wants something (usually something that the doctor has strictly forbidden us to give her) she targets the most vulnerable of all the options (people) at her disposal. If that does not work, then she has this peculiar stare. That innocent and pitying stare that usually melts our hearts, and she usually ends up getting the butter.

She also knows the perfect people to scare. Yes, Scare! She has her own bit of fun with them. So, when the neighbor’s boy rushes down the steps, our girl is in the balcony, ready to startle him, with her deep throated bark. Nine times out of Ten, she is successful. She picks her targets carefully. She has a special sort of bark on these occasions; which starts with a growl, goes through the woofs and ends with what I can make out is a chuckle.

Then there is the Uncle upstairs, who is scared of dogs. I and Tulip usually encounter him in the mornings, when I take her out to do the needful. Though he takes a wide trajectory, she still manages to make her mark. She is beautiful. Military strategists take note.

All right here is the scene. From the corner of her eyes she espies the man approaching. She shows no reaction, goes about her business, smelling here and there. The only indication that she is getting ready to have her bit of fun, are the ears. They are perked up, like radars. The man sees her, skirts around, he thinks she is not looking in his direction, so he takes it easy, slowly, slowly , and boom or should we say BARK.

This happens regularly. The Uncle mumbles something in Telugu, I guess it would go on the lines of ... ok lets leave that alone. I say a perfunctionary NO, in mock anger, and life goes on.

I won’t say anything more on the intelligence quotient. I think she is, So there.. Anyways, as a pet owner, I never imagined that a large part of the dog’s health is dictated by the poo. Shit is the exact word here, but let’s call it poo. Tulip does not eat, give the poo a glance. The reason will be clear! She shows some symptoms that do not look healthy, yes you got it right, check her poo. If it’s black, then there is something wrong with the kidney, if its invisible then she has constipation and so on and so forth.

When she comes back from her walk, the question usually is, did she do anything? It’s like an event. No, I mean really! If Tulip poos when she is taken out, there is a sense of satisfaction. Why? Well, the reason being, for most of her formative years, she was in the habit of using the balcony as an area to take out the indigestible paraphernalia. She learnt to use the natural environs quite late in the day. Therefore, the jubilation when she poos.

There are times when I am really egging her on with all the mental energy at my disposal. Do it. Do it. Just Do it. Why you might ask? Well, you won’t find the situation so funny, if you are woken up at around six in the morning, by a cacophony of shrieking barks or your face being licked rigorously. I wake up; take her out and for what? For me the equation is pretty simple – Loss of sleep should equal lots of Poo. Only then is the waking up, justified.

This reminds of an interesting and funny habit that she had. Interesting and funny for me; not so for my mother. When she was a year or two old, she had a habit of pissing on the bed. Yes, it used to get my mother mad. It was like a race against the finishing line. Tulip takes a running jump on the bed. I or mom or anybody else running to get her off the bed… and more often than not Tulip emerged the winner. At times there was a kind of photo finish, however, in this case also, we were the losers. You can imagine why!

Well, I gotta go! I got to take her out for a walk and to poo. Wish me luck!!!

…..And the Prime Minister Condemns ---- A Citizens Anguish

At around 7:35 p.m. on Tuesday evening, Jaipur lost 60 people to seven serial blasts that ripped through some of the most crowded areas in the Pink City. The count is likely to rise, as in a situation that is typical of India, the grievously wounded did not get medical help on time, the government hospitals did not have the resources to treat the number of people that were brought in and so on and so forth ….

A short while after the blasts, a message from India’s Prime Minister flashed across the various news channels “The Prime Minister Condemns the Incident”. This again as typical a reaction as you will get from our leaders. Obviously Mr. Prime Minister, we expect you to condemn the incident, and we don’t, by any stretch of the imagination expect you to ‘Applaud” the incident. What we want to know is; what if anything are you going to do about it?

Just how many times have we heard the same lines parroted by successive Prime Ministers, Home Ministers, and the seemingly infinite number of honorable leaders who queue up to condemn such incidents? Don’t they get bored? Don’t they feel Angry? Don’t they feel guilty about their own incompetence? I can go on and on as the questions are endless.

News is just trickling in that the State Government or is it the Center, has just declared a compensation of Rs 5 lakh for the dead. In India, there is a price for everything, for the living and the dead. No sooner does a catastrophe, disaster, or terrorist attack occur, and then the government announces a compensation package. No, they don’t wait for a day or two, the announcement is immediate. You see, our leaders have put a price on every citizen of India. Some are worth a lakh or two; others are worth a little more.

The accountability of our leaders stops with the dole out of cash. This allows them to sleep at nights (This is taking into consideration that they couldn’t earlier). So, back to the condemnation; you condemn, you declare compensation, call for peace and harmony, and then move out to the next problem. Is that it Mr. Prime Minister?

It’s pretty simple really, in India the cost of a persons life (according to recent figures) = 5 Lakh Rupees. This is of course in the case of terrorist attacks, at other times the cost goes down.

I think the prevailing dollar rates might also have something to do with the price of an individual’s life in India. But, I am not too sure. We have to get a statement from the Prime Minister!

It might go something like this “Owing to the recent inflation….. Increasing oil prices……The cost of an Indian has gone down….. I apologize for this state of affairs…. I promise the common man…. Next time…… a bigger amount….. I will talk to the people concerned…….”

After all, India is suffering at the hands of on an ever increasing population? What’s a less Indian or Two? Right! Call up George Bush. Hey George, You Know What… There are about 60 less Indians who would be consuming rice…wheat… and other products. Might just affect the world food prices…. So, How about giving us a few more loans?

When is this going to stop? No, I don’t mean the terrorist attacks. That is a different problem altogether. I am referring to the irresponsible attitude of our leaders? Where does the buck stop? If a company, is not giving the promised return on investment, you can put your blame squarely on those heading the company

So whom do we blame, when such incidents occur? When the country goes to the dogs. When terrorist attacks are only condemned and the perpetrators disappear without a trace, free to have a go at other Indian citizens, in another part of the country. We don’t have NSG commandos monitoring our every move. Dear Mr. Prime Minister, we shop in those crowded market places, we pray in those temples, mosques, churches and gurudwaras. We use the public transport systems. We watch movies in theatres. Who is going to protect us? You…… After all you are our supreme leader. It’s your responsibility, isn’t it? Correct me if I am wrong. I am not as educated as you, you see. So, your perspective might be different.

Maybe the buck does not stop at your door. Maybe it stops at my neighborhood paanwaala’s door? It would be better if it could. At least I could ask him some direct questions.

As the images of the recent tragedy flash across the screen, all I pray for is that, let the people I know, be safe. That’s all I can do isn’t it… and write this anguished piece of what could be called diatribe. It’s going to be read by my friends and family. But it’s not going to be read by the people who this piece is aimed at. This dear friend is the story of an Indian citizen.

The common people in India are walking blindfold, hands tied behind their backs, to their execution every day. And what do the people in charge do? Nothing much… Oh sorry! They Condemn!