Depression

For the past few days, I find myself slowing traveling down the darkened tunnel of depression. It’s quite funny actually; depression is hard to resist. It has an allure that maybe happiness does not have. It’s inexplicable really, but there you have it. I know, I am getting depressed, and there is nothing I want to do about it. I want to wallow in it, and I want to be miserable.

I really don’t like to blame anybody for my state of the mind. I want to have the egotist satisfaction of being the sole person responsible for my depression. For me depression is a mixture of various abstract entities and thoughts. Its sadness, mixed with the desolation of the mind and at another end it’s the need to keep oneself occupied with action for the fear of life coming to a standstill for a few days.

I feel angry and hurt at the same time. The problem is; I really don’t know what has resulted in the onset of these symptoms. You know I have heard people say depression is a bad thing. However, I would like to put a spin on this statement. For me, more often than not depression is a good thing. It’s almost like a cleansing ritual that I go through. For a period of a few days, all my darkest thoughts, which were simmering in my subconscious, are brought to the fore, and I need to mull over them. I take time out to analyze those thoughts and destroy those thoughts. I try to sift through my layers of discontent and arrive at a point of focus, which then helps me live my life better, and do my job better, till the next bout of depression strikes.

For me, depression is like an emetic. You get the negativity out of your system and concentrate on the positive aspects of your life. I think that everybody should go through it. It makes one appreciate one’s lot a lot better. The sole problem that I have with the whole concept of depression is that it takes a toll on your time. You work gets affected and I don’t know about anybody else, but I move around in a daze.

I am a gastronome and love food. When I am depressed I can make do with my unappetizing Tiffin. See what I mean, I really don’t care one way or the other, what’s going into my stomach. And, that my dear friend, for me, is the biggest disadvantage of a depressive mood -A marked indifference for what I like. It’s only about what I dislike.

I wouldn’t want you think that I suffer from chronic depression. I think all of us go through these bouts and take away something specific from it. I try to do the same. From the dark tunnel of depression I steal away, a bright light, which was hidden amongst layers of gloom.